• About

solisrough

~ Living life in Austin Texas. Howdy!

solisrough

Category Archives: Diversity

Post Gay, Post Apathy

13 Monday Jun 2016

Posted by Solis R. in Barak Obama, DADT, Diversity, Family, Life & Living, Obama, Politics, Racism, Republican Party, Spirituality & Recovery

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Activism, Apathy, Gay, Homosexual, Progress, Queer

I once wrote sometime ago about the topic of Post Gay. It was this concept back in the late 90s and early 2000’s regarding an apathy-like state where folks were expressing ‘fatigue’, for lack of a better descriptor, about the state of affairs as it relates to activism for LGBT causes.

There was a section of our community that was giving a shrug at the idea that activism was even necessary. Many had gone on from their teens, and 20’s into their thirties, with sights changed and moving on with family/partnering and getting on with the business of careers, accumulating material wealth, paying taxes and dying.

I, moving from my 30s into 40s at the time could certainly understand this sentiment, although I cautioned against it during the time during an interview with the media on the topic. At the time, I was the interim Director of the LGBT Resource Center at UC Davis, and the reporter wanted to talk about this idea that simply made her aghast. (To be fair, she was a 20 something, so I could see how this might be perceived).

In our discussions with college students at the time, it sparked heated discussions about what is being resigned, versus moving on to advocacy from an evolved or mature perspective and what is apathy, or just plain “sloth”. These are all intelligent questions for comparison but elicited, from younger members of our group, outrage at the lack of outrage.

We even invited a dignitary from state government to come speak with us on activism and how he assisted our state governor on remaining abreast of issues facing the California citizenry and what he should advocate for.

Now, because most of us don’t have a press secretary, we have to decide on our own on what is pertinent, important and worth leaving the couch for. I would assert that it might be actually harder in the modern age with all manner of media resource. We are bombarded by reputable, and far less reputable outlets of information hitting us with stories from every angle. It used to be that if it were the “Star” or the “Enquirer” you’d likely raise an eyebrow with skepticism about the level of truth in reporting. Now with Fox, and other outlets all putting their less and not so less obvious spins on reporting, it’s hard to garner what is trustworthy information. It becomes even harder so when the old-school traditional sources of NBC, CBS, ABC and to a lesser extent CNN all have news stories that are marked “promoted” right on the same page as the “legitimate” news. Heaven forbid you mis-click and you’ll be reading about why the country has gone crazy for a new anti-wrinkle skin cream written in the style of legitimate breaking-news.

There was a time when advertising was kept completely separate from the news. Having worked in the media (old school newspaper) during the advent of the Internet, that line was becoming blurry. Now, some might argue, it just doesn’t plain exist. The old-school media brands protected their reliability and perception of being trusted purveyors of news with all the fierceness that a dog would protect the proverbial bone. Being a trusted source of information was everything. Now, everything is open to suspicion. Whether because of the corporatization of the media, or the competition to drive people to their sites with clicks, rather than doorstep delivery, the media goes to great lengths to get you to visit their URL.

To our detriment, we are bombarded. Which, could conceivably, exacerbate our fatigue and apathy.

I don’t think this has happened so much in the LGBT community as it might have. We constantly have a flow of energized and outraged community members who keep up the fight, and advocacy on all issues. Our most recent and long-fought for prize being gay marriage, now known in our household simply as “marriage”. In our glee, we paused to catch our breath. We collectively sighed a sigh of relief. We slapped each other on the back, raised our glasses to toast our work – find whatever metaphor works for you, we’ve taken our eye off the underlying oppression that exists in this country and around the world.

There are simply people who don’t accept us, and never will.

That statement might sound defeatist. I assure you, it is the opposite. It is with newfound energy and vigor that I’ve arrived at this newest stage in my association with my role in the community as an activist.

My speaking engagements have dried up. I was afore invited to speak to large groups of young people. Please sir. Tell us of homophobia in your day as a young person? What was it like to be gay BEFORE don’t ask don’t tell? What? You were arrested? For Homosexuality? Is that a thing? And, energize our outrage with your tales of disparage you’ve endured, the discrimination you face every day as a couple together for 20 years (at the time) and unable to enjoy all the benefits associated with being a straight married couple. How can that be?

Truth. Gays now serve. (Out. They’ve always served). Even our neighbors have lost their interest in our novelty of being a gay-married couple on our street. (There are now four other couples, and folks have discovered we’re as boring as they are).

In the interim, Transgender has become the new Gay. In novelty terms, folks want Transgender speakers, or representation of the “T” on their board. What? You’re not intersexed? Um. Never mind.

This is neither a complaint, nor an indictment. It’s actually a wonderful thing. Trans friends certainly are the underrepresented in the group of the underrepresented. Nothing pleases me more than seeing the spotlight shined on their struggle (Well. Except Caitlyn Jenner. You can dim that spotlight. But, let’s not go there).

The events of two days ago in Orlando Florida; the largest mass shooting in America. 49 people killed.

There are folks who will say horrific things coming from a place of hate, which I would argue is fear. Fear of what they don’t understand, fear of the questioning of their role in our society and the challenge of the long-standing perceptions of normal and the perceived question of their self-superiority. Horrible things said.

Even politicians or would be politicians claiming that the true tragedy is that our President won’t say a string of words “Radical Islamic Terrorist”. I have yet to hear one of these folks attempt to call-out our president for not referring to Dylann Roof, perpetrator of the Charleston Church Massacre as a “Radical Christian White-Supremacist Terrorist”. No, their hate (fear) of Islam ranks right up their with their homophobia. So, it’s not likely they’d apply the same argument, which might reflect on a group they’d belong to. So, it’s why I don’t take them seriously.

And, herein lies my point to this writing. Advocacy comes in many forms. Some march, and shout, block traffic, blow whistles and otherwise bring literal attention to a matter. I applaud them. Any manner in which you can constructively argue peacefully your point, I support – even if it’s opposite of mine. The entire cause of dialogue starts with you conveying your point and allowing me to respond. Unfortunately, dialogue in this country doesn’t occur so easily.

The other form is to blow things up, incite riots and violence or otherwise bring harm to people and property. This I can’t support. Even if it’s for a cause I believe in. My fear isn’t as much as the bigoted (fearful) people who are exclaiming queers get what they deserve, it’s that in each instance of rhetoric it seems to escalate.

It’s escalated now to a point that the (by the numbers alone) is the most heinous act of massacre has been committed in America. There. But, I don’t believe it couldn’t become more terrible.

So, I examine my own response. All day I’ve been in conversation with folks and friends here in Texas an all over the country. Some angered. Some saddened. Some vowing to a new found verve for advocacy. Some resigned to stay in bed this Monday and not work, or look outside.

I for one will likely do what I continue to do…

Being an example of what it is to live as an American. To go to work. Go come home and kiss my spouse, and make a cup of tea. To give to causes which are important through monetary resource, or more importantly (and becoming more precious with each passing year) my time and effort. Administering to people who are sick and suffering with the disease of addiction is my passion, I’m not likely to forget they need help even with headlines printed in large print next to the latest celebrity gossip, which may or not be a promoted story on this info-tainment-news site.

As I sit and write this, my dog is snoring next to me, my husband is listening to Captain and Tennille (oldies for most of you) while he clips family photos for a Fathers day collage he’s working on. I’m at my laptop typing away while I let out a yawn at the end of the day. A normal day. An average day – – for me. Not for our friends and family in Orlando Florida. I grieve for them. I was saddened to the point of disgust looking at the photos of lost lives and learning their back-story, but in summary it comes to this.

What I want most from the bigoted (afraid) masses, from those who don’t like me, agree with me, or may even despise me is acceptance. Acceptance for me just the way I am. They don’t have to like me. Sure, it’d be great to be embraced, but I’d settle for tolerance. My experience tells me that there isn’t a way to get much more than that from some of these people.

But here’s the deal. If I want that from them, I’m going to have be willing to provide the same. Otherwise, I’m quite likely the hypocrite and have the same disingenuous motives that I sometimes readily spout that I despise them for. I can’t expect something from them, that I am not ready to deliver myself. That’s just selfish – which is not an attractive human trait no matter how you view the world.

So, while I may not have the power to change the entire view of the world, or even America, or even Texas, or even Austin in the time I have left on earth, I will focus on the neighbors I have right here in Copperfield neighborhood. It starts here by demonstrating to them that I have ideals of what is important in my life and the life of my family – ideals of community, faith, love and support.

It’s been my experience in in this life and my work with sick and suffering addicts and alcoholics that anything I do or demonstration I provide, is far-far more powerful than anything that comes out of my mouth.

 

Share this:

  • Email
  • Tweet
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Print

Like this:

Like Loading...

I’ve said it before – “Explain it to me – please”

11 Monday Apr 2016

Posted by Solis R. in Diversity

≈ Leave a comment

LGBT & Members of Other Non-LGBT Groups

So recently another celebrity has said some variation of “I like the gays. I have gay friends. I just don’t “agree” with the gays”.

Reading the commentary on a recent website, I sometimes find it amusing that well-intentioned folks don’t see the problem with that statement.

Much like when you follow any statement that comes after the word “but” negates the first half of the sentence, you essentially diminish the first part of the statement. That is to say, liking gays, and having gay friends does not make you a human rights activist. At most it makes you tolerant. Isn’t that nice? Do they have an award for that? “And, now the recipient who has tolerated more people with all her heart.. the envelope please.”

No. They don’t have an award for that. Nor should they.

What frustrates many of the readers who chose to comment on the story that the speaker is African American. Some had even cried “discrimination” when that point is brought to bear. However, if you took the paraphrase of that statement and assigned the word “black” in place of “gay” you’d think wow — racist. And, what exactly would it mean to say “I don’t agree with the blacks”? Agree with what? And, here’s where the slap in the face comes after the homophobic statement. (Sort of like a cherry on a shit-sundae). I don’t agree with the “lifestyle”.

So here we are again. Likely a full-decade following the last time I wrote on this subject. Can someone explain to me exactly what is the “Lifestyle” that these folks keep referring to? And, what constitutes a “Lifestyle”.

If I told you I hung out in bars where Mexican people were, would that mean I was living the “Mexican Lifestyle”. If I slept with people who were Jewish, would that mean I was living a “Jewish Lifestyle”. Or, if I was born with one limb missing, would that constitute a “Differently-abled lifestyle”. And, if it did, did I choose that?

Much of these controversies come from misunderstanding. An uneducated approach of how to address a community, and then drawing back and saying “what? what? what I said wasn’t offensive”. The fact that you can’t even ‘see’ that it could be construed as offensive is what incenses others. And, yes if you come from a historically oppressed community, like the African American community – sometimes more is expected of you. No, we are not alike in all respects. But, what we do each face within our own celebrated cultures is an understanding of what it is to be the butt of others jokes, to be marginalized at institutional level, to be ignored when we cry out for human decency. So, to deny this, when one would expect you’d be intimately familiar with it smarts harder than if another smacked you that you’d expect a smack from.

So, I’m left to wonder what “Lifestyle” is. I look forward to the explanation.

 

Share this:

  • Email
  • Tweet
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Print

Like this:

Like Loading...

A Follow Up to the Post Gay Blog

01 Monday Dec 2014

Posted by Solis R. in Diversity, Houston, Life & Living

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Gay, gay bar, night club, night clubs

After a weekend of fun in Houston and going out to several night clubs (I rarely night club any longer. It holds no fascination and unless I’m dancing, or karaoke-ing there’s not much going on for me), it was interesting to see the mix of folks at at least 5 places we hopped to.

These were all ‘gay’ establishments. Places known to be gay bars, or where gay folks predominately mingle.

Except.. where were the gays? They were there to be sure, but hard to pick out among the heterosexual couples and the bride-and-her-maids parties. It sparked a conversation with one of my travel companions about the disparaging state of night club gatherings.

My argument was this. We can’t have it both ways. Sure, we can long for the days when a gay bar, was a gay bar. But, we would be up in arms if a night club labeled itself ‘straight’ and discouraged gay customers from entering. Such is the reciprocity in a post gay world. Bars are just.. bars.

Sure, there will be establishments that cater to a gay clientele but it probably won’t be much bigger a distinction than this one plays hip hop music, and this one plays electronica.

I suppose it will make it more challenging for those who go to bars to make a love connection, but I can assure you – the pickings there have always been slim. Now, they’ll just be slimmer 🙂

Share this:

  • Email
  • Tweet
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Print

Like this:

Like Loading...

What the F is cool anyway.

03 Saturday May 2014

Posted by Solis R. in Diversity, Fun, Life & Living, Spirituality & Recovery

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Altar Boy, Bully, Cassock, Catholic, Cool, Gay, Gear, Leather, Nerd, Out of Place, Queer, S and M, Strange, Uncool, Weird

Right handed.  Brown eyes. Uncool. As time goes on and I’ve seen my hair move from brown to ash, and I see these lines form across my forehead I’ve accepted certain things about myself there once were, that are not now.

It’s harder sometimes though to accept things that were not then, nor now, nor likely ever to be.  Cool is one of those things.

I suppose it’s hard to define, and I imagine most people believe they are not (cool). Some folks certainly do though. And, to a degree, they may be correct. Perhaps it’s an air one carries, or the ability to set a trend, or that mystic quality people are naturally drawn to – I possess none of those things.

It’s all right. I’m not in self-pity about it. Not entirely anyway. It’s probably a good indicator that if you’ve been striving to be cool, you probably aren’t. Much like the aforementioned disposition of right handed versus left, you either are or you aren’t. Ambidextrous assertions aside, cool is a state of being that is difficult to define. It has no precise measurement or characteristic. But, you know it when you see it.

Growing up with perpetually low self-esteem, one can find they always feel like they are on the outside looking in.  Even over the years, developing friends, associates and loved ones who bring a sense of worth and purpose, cool still remains elusive.

It bothers one less and less I suppose, until you experience a reversion. A step back into the painful memories of what it was like to be distinctly uncool.  Awkwardness, lankiness, sense of out of place is often left behind with adolescence. But, not always. Sometimes being in an atmosphere that harkens to those days can bring about all those feelings once again. It wasn’t fun the first time around; it’s no more so in succeeding times.

Sometimes in my dreams I would be at a high school dance, and noting that everyone was laughing at me. This was actually welcome to a small degree as it was a step up from them yelling or sneering. But, in the imagined scenario, I look down to see myself in a cotta over cassock, altar boy outfit. I feel like such a nerd, and outcast.

Growing up trying to be good – Catholic was what I imagined I was supposed to do. But it appears at times it was another reason to be segregated from others as weird or different. This was not my goal. Well, I suppose it’s no ones goal really. Even Goth kids in school or those professing the intentionally manufactured attempt to be different clearly displayed the hurt, which comes from being an outsider.

Sometimes going into a bar atmosphere, especially one where gear, leather or other garment accouterment are preferred, I feel like I’m in a cassock. I’ve not really embraced that subculture and as a result am excluded. The question becomes is it important to feel ‘included’? To what degree? At what cost? I’m pretty sure someone who is important to me has friends that don’t think I’m cool.

Service in recovery, much like service in the church from my earliest recollections of being an altar boy, and in the catholic youth organization has always made me feel good when I was doing it. It feels like what I am supposed to be doing., what God would have me do.

I think sometimes folks feel like do-gooders, aren’t cool.

So, I’ll pray about it. Maybe God thinks I’m cool. Maybe that’s really the ‘in crowd’.

 

Share this:

  • Email
  • Tweet
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Print

Like this:

Like Loading...

Image

Chicken & Civility

06 Monday Aug 2012

Tags

1st Amendment, Chik Fil A, Christianity, Christians, Discrimination, First Amendment, Free Speech, Gays, Olive North, Unfair

Chicken & CivilityYou know it was only a matter of time before I was moved to say something on this subject. Mostly I’ve kept out of it. Not because I’m lacking opinion or experience. But, rather because I’ve been rather mesmerised by it all. By both sides really.

But let’s start with Mr. Cathy and his company. Not agreeing with his views notwithstanding, the reason I think his statements can be characterized as lunacy have less to do with the content than why on earth, as a business man, would you want to weigh in on any topic that’s controversial and may bring harm to any group which could be a potential paying customer?

These statements weren’t directed at PETA, vegetarians and Colonel Saunders – any of which are not likely to patronize the Chik Fil A near you – but a group that otherwise might still be a supporter.  I guess that’s what initially had my scratching my head.

But all the charges and counter charges that going back and ultimately degraded into a religious back-and-forth with Christian’s feeling that they needed to camp out to get their chicken sandwich on in order to show that they are dedicated to their love of deity and poultry. I don’t mean to tongue in cheek a religious ideology in the name of attempting to bring humorism to an otherwise unfunny situation. I can see clearly that supporters of Mr. Cathy have wanted to make this freedom of speech issue. And, why not?

Truth is, otherwise well-meaning folks have made it pretty easy to do so. With charges of claiming Mr. Cathy has no right to make such exclamations. Um. Yes – as a matter of fact – he does. He is not a corporation, which might otherwise have shareholders that would have an interest in Mr. Cathy’s comments and how they affect the bottom line. It’s his company. He’s free to run it as he would wish, with in the limits of the law and even to run it into the ground of that’s his choice.

I support that right. The right to say anything you wish. No matter how bizarre or crazy another may think it is. No matter how offensive, or derisive it may be considered.

By the same token – I’m free to patronize, or not patronize a business for the same reasons. So equally as distressing are counter arguments that I have no right to boycott a business that otherwise isn’t breaking any laws. Hmm.

What many supporters of Chik Fil A have failed to understand, and quite likely because they have the equivalent of their fingers in their ears going la, la, la, la – is that as crazy as you might think some are for not recognizing Mr. Cathy’s right to say what he’s saying  is how crazy it would be to provide my money in exchange for a product and then you take the proceeds of that transaction and use it to diminish my quality of life in other areas.

That astounds me.

Really.

When I have discussions with otherwise sane people who insist because no fair employment laws are being broken, because no equivalent of a separate water fountain exist, because no one is refusing service to gays, that somehow it’s “all good”. Really? Based on that line of thinking, Mr. Cathy should be begging the Gays to come to his establishments. What more diabolical plan than to wage cultural warfare than to use their own money against them. Since Mr. Oliver North in 80’s a more evil plan hasn’t been hatched.

To summarize a commentary that could go on much, much longer. It will suffice to say that I will not line up to buy sandwiches. I’d much prefer people lined up to feed the poor and help the downtrodden. That’s something I think Jesus would have actually encouraged. I don’t know that God give’s a (chicken) shit about whether Mr. Cathy’s chain thrive at the expense of others. But, the human element of compassion requires that I not support such endeavors.

So, I’ll pass by these restaurants, which hasn’t really ever been that hard and on Sunday’s it’s been very easy. My hope is that if you ask me, it’s to actually have a dialogue about it and not to slam me with your opposing view. That, after all is not very gracious (forget “Christian” because with each passing day – who knows what that means anymore).

I think one day of record sales of chicken may end up being a drop in the bucket compared to years of erosive sales. Because as time marches on, and the recordings of these events is now everywhere for history – posterity will not be kind to Mr. Cathy and his chicken chain. There will always be supporters sure. And the existing locations may still do well. But, his expansion will always be hampered by potential franchisees who will wonder if they want to be part of this ongoing drama.

So yes. I support your right to free speech Mr. Cathy. But even free speech isn’t free when the consequences may ultimately affect your livelihood. That’s the responsibility part that comes with the freedom.

Share this:

  • Email
  • Tweet
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Print

Like this:

Like Loading...

Posted by Solis R. | Filed under Diversity, News & Events, Politics

≈ 2 Comments

The Onion. Funny Satire. Tricks People.

24 Tuesday Jul 2012

Posted by Solis R. in Diversity, News & Events, Politics, The Media

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Chik Fil A, Funny, Homosexuality, Humor, Parody, Satire, The Onion

The Onion. It has tricked more than a few of my friends. People who aren’t familiar with this paper, that looks like a legitimate newspaper are often confounded when they read about outrageous stories, sometimes quoting real people, or attributing outrageous actions to them. But, it’s all fake.

One of the funniest posts I read was this particularly R rated column. Why These Homos Keep Sucking My…

As you can tell, much of what the Onion contains is adult humor. And, although their recent post on the new Chik Fil A, homo sandwich including exerpts about their punch-a-fag sauce might be considered to be over the top, I think the whole idea of satire is that it is over the top about topics which by themselves, without any punch a fag sauce added, could be considered absurd.

Certainly a chicken sandwhich restaurant weighing in on marriage? Absurd. Thus, we have publications like the Onion to take that absurdity to new levels. Agree or don’t – I’m glad we live in a country where this type of communication and commentary exist to provide opportunities to think.

 

Share this:

  • Email
  • Tweet
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Print

Like this:

Like Loading...

Farwell to our Champion

06 Thursday Oct 2011

Posted by Solis R. in Diversity, Technology, University of California

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Apple, Farwell, iMac, iPod, Macintosh, Memorial, Steve Jobs, Technology

When I purchased my first Apple in 1992 my friends scoffed. It was the ramp up of an age. The beginning of a new way we would live our lives – with a computer in each of our homes. Many still didn’t own one. “Why” many questioned would I differentiate myself with this product that had far less software, appeared to have less support, certainly had less market share and proliferation and many believed had less of a future than a dominate PC?

But Steve and others at Apple believed that a computer could be friendlier. It could be simple. It could have interfaces that were intuitive. It could ultimately grow and expand to include creative programs and solutions to how we handle our photos, how to integrate our music, how to take a risk and attempt to edit our own videos. This list is endless. We discussed this at work this morning and to the doubters, most of them two generations younger than I who have only known a world with a computer in every home, I felt confident in pointing out everything a PC is today is a direct benefit of Apple showing us it was possible. That these devices could be so much more than a games machine and a word processor. I feel so grateful today that I got to see a company grow from infancy to the amazing success story it is today. For those of us who were loyal from the beginning and who endured the puzzled looks from the rest of the computer world, who simply “didn’t get it” – know that without the perseverance and vision of so many of the people at Apple, under Steve Jobs – we just wouldn’t enjoy life in the same way we enjoy it today. And that is all of us, not just the Apple family.

In 2001, when I was working at UC Davis, my department was literally the last place to find Mac’s anywhere on campus. Thankfully my mentor and boss Winnie was also a Mac person. We had agreed that there would fight to maintain the last Mac and Apple product space for students to use. Little did we know we’d have difficulty with the University. They had decided that we’d be entirely a PC world and that our last resevoir of Apple hope was going to be dismantled.

They wouldn’t allow a purchase order I submitted to go through because it was for Apple products and this conflicted with their new found appreciation for all things non-Apple. We were so fortunate the Apple rep recognized our plight when I conveyed to him our situation and dedication. The new iMacs in all their illustrious turquoise compactness were out and they worked with us to undercut the price all the competitors. They also included a free G3 and a 23″ Cinema Display – at the time cutting edge and awe invoking. It was the centerpiece of our computer resource center at the Cross-Cultural Center. And the day the students came in and saw the new technology – they gave up their grumbling about why we weren’t like every other computer lab on campus and they embraced what they could do with these new computers. We sent Apple a “thank you” with a photo of the many happy faces around our new hardware, and Apple thankfully footed the bill for the banner we flew outside the center announcing the new iMac was HERE. And, only HERE.

When I returned to campus recently and sat with a former colleague in another department as she peeked around her new 24″ cinema display and chatted between bites of her sandwich, I commented how much I admired her new Apple monitor. “You know”, she said “When they said they were replacing my old Dell with this I was worried, but it’s the nicest equipment the Univeristy has ever provided”. It was nice to know that a decade earlier, a few die hard fans and Apple had managed to keep the dream alive.

To so many legions who now appear to “get it” and are discovering Apple to be the amazing find we knew it was all along – we know more than any – what an accomplishment the team at Apple has achieved. Not just in the innovation which required brilliance but in the courage it required to overcome the obstacle of pessimism, disbelief and those who just couldn’t envision that it could be done.

Is Steve Jobs the Edison or Henry Ford of our time? I don’t know. I suppose history and time will sort those questions out. Our hearts are heavy, but our hats are off. We’ll miss you Steve Jobs.

Share this:

  • Email
  • Tweet
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Print

Like this:

Like Loading...

The Day Has Finally Arrived.

20 Tuesday Sep 2011

Posted by Solis R. in DADT, Diversity, Politics

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

DADT, Don't Ask Don't Tell, Gay, Keith Meinhold, Lesbian, Military, Naval, Navy, NIS, Queer, Veteran

SolisNavy_edited-1 by SolisRough
SolisNavy_edited-1 a photo by SolisRough on Flickr.

Much of below is a reprise of an earlier post. I’ve updated it since today commemorates the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Itself a terrible policy following the all out banning of Gay and Lesbian military service members. It’s a great day for many of our community and all my Veteran friends.

Particularly those who supported me during the most difficult years of my life.

As many of you know, I served in the U.S. Navy from the beginning 1984 to end of 1995. After 12 years it was regrettable to leave. I enjoyed my time in the Navy.

What I liked most about it, was the sense of accomplishment that came from doing a good job with highly commendable people. I liked meeting all different kinds of people from all over the country.

It was my truest exposure to diversity. In all of my jobs that have followed I have not worked with a more broad range of diversity in terms of cultures and geographic heritage.

That’s why it was so odd and heart breaking in making the decision to leave. I left active duty, and ultimately the navy, because of the institution of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.

Believe it or not, before the institution of this policy, life as a Gay man in the Navy was easier. I’m fairly certain most of my shipmates knew of my orientation. Or by virtue of not-wanting-to-know, knew. They had long stopped asking me what I did on the weekend, or who I hung out with.

I was in a relationship with Rob after 1989. The notion that I had something so wonderful occurring in my life and not being able to share that with the people I was closest to on a daily basis – that part was difficult. I loved those folks in the Navy. They were mostly my family and we supported one another. I felt very supported and mostly loved. I had achieved a high degree of accomplishment in a short period of time. The evidence of this is worn on one’s sleeve. Literally. Having three chevrons in just seven years spoke about as much me when I walked in the room as anything I could say.

I really miss that. The idea that the first thing one looks for in a person when they walk in isn’t the color of the their skin, the swish in their walk, the status of their ring finger, or the twang in their voice. You can size nearly anyone up in the first introduction by virtue of what was on their chest and what was on their sleeve. I was proud of what mine said about me.

I had been awarded the Navy Achieve Medal which is the highest commendation of personal achievement one can receive in the Navy. What I was most happy with was that I earned this during the period of Desert Storm. Because of my status as an administrative professional in a squadron of aircraft specialists and aviation warfare specialists (AW’s – who usually hogged all of the spotlight – but to be fair, we were there to fly planes after all) this accomplishment was especially noteworthy. And the idea that I did this during Desert Storm following a nomination for Sailor of the Year for my Squadron and Western Pacific Fleet among said AW’s and other aircraft specialties made me especially proud.

But I had to walk away from all of that when it became clear that the tide clearly turned after DADT was instituted. All of a sudden, those who previously hadn’t cared about orientation issues began talking openly and sometimes with hostility about the issues of Gays in the Navy. Sometimes they would clearly escalate the volume of their commentary in my direction. All of this served to make me highly uncomfortable and fearful.

And, in 1992, the memories began to come back. In 1984 I went through a horrendous arrest and investigation after being charged with homosexuality and sodomy.

Prior to DADT it wasn’t uncommon for the military to conduct “witch hunts”. This usually occurred when someone “fagged out” (came out to avoid further service). The Naval Investigative Service (NIS) – like the military FBI, would offer an easier time of discharge if the fagged-out, gave a list of associates. Armed with these new lists of homsexuals, the command would begin another round of whispering and inquiries.

I was surprised to learn during my investigation the NIS was talking to my friends in the Military to find out where I went, and who my friends were. What did I do for fun? What were my personal habits? etc. It’s very unnerving to know this is going on immediately behind your back and thanks to friends who overcame fear of being told NOT to divulge anything to me, to tell me what was occurring.

When I was finally arrested and led away, I had the sense of outrage that comes from believing you’ve done nothing wrong. But, of course, that conflicts with the law – no matter how unjust. Thankfully, my friend Dale warned me immediately before it occurred and advised me to remain silent no matter what.

Silence is an amazing thing. A powerful tool of defiance on one hand – a weakness of concurrence on the other. By remaining silent I felt I was relinquishing my instinct to defend myself. To somehow agree with the purpose of my detainment. All this questioning culminating in a very dehumanizing experience. Being asked questions I was at times forced to answer. Being made to undress to show I wasn’t wearing womens underwear, or that my legs weren’t shaved, being coerced into naming friends some of who weren’t even gay, just so that the NIS could work on a new branch of the witch hunt tree pained me terribly.

What hurt most I think, was reading statements those had made about me. People I most respected and trusted. There is a code in the military. A reliance on each other that far exceeds that of a conventional co-worker. It was a turning point that everything I believed the world to be (my career at that age, was my world) was not all true. It’s a very harsh reality. Particularly when one is sitting unclothed being interrogated.

Maybe this day I can find some forgiveness for those folks. People, who were likely as scared as I was when a NIS agent showed up and started asking questions. It did teach me lessons about sharing the intimate details of my life. Those lessons have only been reinforced through out the years, but like many lessons, they started in the Navy.

I’ve always considered returning to the Navy. Not, as an active duty member, but rather as a reserve member. Particularly in today’s troubling economic times, and the state of Social Security I want to return so that I can complete my eight years to complete my time in order to earn my retirement. This is very important to me, and my family.

But maybe it’s best to let this chapter of my life reach final closure. Mostly I’m glad that those who will follow will not have to know the degradation years of poor policy have inflicted on some of the greatest Americans – those who choose to serve.

I marched this last month, in the Austin Texas Gay Pride Parade,  with my fellow veterans. Some of who are currently on active duty. They wore camouflage paint on their face to hide from the cameras. Strange to think that Americans, those we should be most proud of, would be forced to hide their faces to walk down a public street. It’s the end of an era. A welcome end. Next year’s parade may not contain anyone who will hide their identity. Being able to lead that parade was a wonderful thing. It was another highlight in my life and there have been many. I’m fortunate that way.

What I will mark most this day is the end of my personal silence. I was silent the day I was led away by military police. I was silent the day Keith Meinhold came out and I arrived at the base to news cameras everywhere, and a CNN camera crew put a microphone in my face to ask me what I thought, I was silent when I was deployed in the first gulf war and someone asked me if anyone had come to see me off. (I asked my beloved Rob to stay home that day). I don’t have to be silent any more with this regard. That has removed it from being a weakness of concurrence and it shall from this day forward be added to my strength column.

Share this:

  • Email
  • Tweet
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Print

Like this:

Like Loading...

Pride Weekend in Austin

15 Thursday Sep 2011

Posted by Solis R. in DADT, Diversity, Eric Caruthers, Friends, Solis Rough

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Austin, DADT, Diversity, Don't Ask Don't Tell, Downtown, Eric Caruthers, Gay, March, Military, Navy, Parade, Pride, Solis Rough

IMG_3062 by SolisRough
IMG_3062 a photo by SolisRough on Flickr.

It was a great day. Here’s the banner I carried. I was so honored to march with the Veterans this day and to lead the parade was so nice. It was a pleasant morning and I loved meeting new people. I hope to be involved next year too. 🙂

Share this:

  • Email
  • Tweet
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Print

Like this:

Like Loading...

It’s That Time of Year Again

21 Tuesday Dec 2010

Posted by Solis R. in Diversity, Politics

≈ Leave a comment

3DollarBill

3DollarBill,
originally uploaded by SolisRough.

Here’s an oldie, that I posted back in 2005 but it’s time to remind ourselves why some of us don’t put money in the kettles in front of the store.

The Salvation Army is a church. They are also a huge employer in most cities receive municipal tax payer support. As a tax payer supported entity they are required to adhere to laws related to equal opportunity in hiring and services. As a church they are not.

In cities, such as San Francisco, and others across the nation, they have reiterated their freedom as a religious organization and refused to hire Gay and Lesbians. You cannot be queer and work for this church.

While I’ll be the first to admit that they do many good works, there are many other organizations who also work hard to lift up others without discrimination. I encourage you to find one of these organizations and support them. Put your dollars where they help most, and hurt least.

Thank you and Merry Christmas.

Share this:

  • Email
  • Tweet
  • Share on Tumblr
  • Print

Like this:

Like Loading...
← Older posts

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 486 other subscribers

Let’s Meet

Let's set up a time to get together!!

Living the California Life in Texas

Rob and I live with our puppies Ganso and Zorra here in Austin Texas. We've been together since 1989 and enjoy spending time with family and friends. We moved to Texas from California in 2007 and it has been amazing transition from Sacramento to Austin. I hope we have an opportunity to get to see you/know you soon. Take care and be well.

Blogroll

  • Booking Life Coaching Sessions

Here Are My Favorite Links!

  • Dave Upton of Houston
  • Kelly Freitas' Flickr
  • My Facebook
  • My Favorite Recovery Speakers
  • My Music!
  • My Pics: Friends & Family & Such
  • My Twitter
  • Rob's Art

Here are my pics

WINTER BREAK - Jakobsbad, Switzerlandthe old fortEntering the SceneryA beautiful moment in Dolomite SceneryHeavy Snow-Yamagata-JapanZiggy Relaxing in the SunSharky's Pier 2023Liberté !Let there be light!
More Photos

Recent Posts

  • The Power of Enough
  • In the Home Stretch
  • No More Poignant Reminder of Our Shared Humanity.
  • Getting through Client/Therapist Attachment Grief following a Misunderstanding or Miscommunication
  • How to: Becoming the Person who Maintains Decisions and Attains Goals.
  • Don’t Wait ‘This’ Long…
  • I don’t think you’re gay.
  • 1st Semester. Done.
  • Mid Fifties. A Great Time for a new Undertaking.
  • The Fear of Being Worn Down

Categories

  • Animals & Pets
  • Austin
  • Automotive
  • Barak Obama
  • Ben Nelson
  • Big D
  • Brokk Margetts
  • Business
  • California
  • Chris Shaw
  • DADT
  • Dallas
  • Dan Beaman
  • Dan Hillis
  • Democrat
  • Democratic
  • Diamond Dog Dodge
  • Diversity
  • Dodge
  • Edsel
  • Elena Kagen
  • Epoch Coffee
  • Eric Caruthers
  • Esther Solis
  • F150
  • Fair Oaks
  • Family
  • Firebird
  • Focus
  • Ford
  • Friends
  • Fun
  • Ganso
  • Genuine Joe's
  • Georgio Lopez
  • GM
  • Grady Rough
  • GTO
  • Hannah Solis
  • Health Related
  • Home Slice
  • Houston
  • Hugo Naturals
  • iLife
  • Ironworks Restaraunt BBQ
  • Javelina
  • Jefferson
  • Justin Miloro
  • Kereby Lane
  • Lap Band
  • Lapriscopic Surgery
  • LeMans
  • Life & Living
  • Lincoln
  • Louisiana
  • Magnolia
  • Mercury
  • Michael Solis
  • Missouri
  • Modesto
  • Mustang
  • New Orleans
  • News & Events
  • Obama
  • Paul Harvy
  • People & Celebrities
  • Places
  • Politics
  • Pontiac
  • Racism
  • Raquelle Nelson
  • Republican Party
  • Revolution Motors
  • Rita Lynn
  • Rob Frost-Dean
  • Rob Rough
  • Round Up
  • Rush Limbaugh
  • Sacramento
  • Sam Houston Sullins
  • San Antonio
  • San Francisco
  • San Jose
  • Self-Improvement
  • Serena Nelson
  • Sober
  • SoCo
  • Solis R
  • Solis Rough
  • Speakers
  • Spider House
  • Spirituality & Recovery
  • Steve Anderson
  • Surgery
  • Taurus
  • Technology
  • Tempest
  • Texas
  • The Media
  • Threadgills
  • Uncategorized & Miscellaneous
  • University of California
  • Vulture
  • Zorra

My Facebook

Solis C. Rough | Create Your Badge

Top Clicks

  • None

Archives

  • August 2022 (1)
  • September 2020 (1)
  • June 2018 (1)
  • March 2018 (2)
  • August 2017 (1)
  • July 2017 (1)
  • May 2017 (1)
  • February 2017 (1)
  • January 2017 (2)
  • November 2016 (2)
  • September 2016 (1)
  • June 2016 (1)
  • April 2016 (1)
  • March 2015 (2)
  • January 2015 (1)
  • December 2014 (1)
  • November 2014 (1)
  • September 2014 (2)
  • July 2014 (1)
  • May 2014 (2)
  • March 2014 (1)
  • September 2013 (1)
  • August 2013 (1)
  • July 2013 (1)
  • May 2013 (1)
  • April 2013 (1)
  • December 2012 (3)
  • November 2012 (1)
  • September 2012 (1)
  • August 2012 (3)
  • July 2012 (4)
  • June 2012 (2)
  • April 2012 (1)
  • March 2012 (2)
  • January 2012 (2)
  • December 2011 (1)
  • November 2011 (1)
  • October 2011 (3)
  • September 2011 (4)
  • August 2011 (3)
  • July 2011 (4)
  • June 2011 (6)
  • May 2011 (1)
  • April 2011 (10)
  • March 2011 (3)
  • February 2011 (4)
  • January 2011 (8)
  • December 2010 (13)
  • November 2010 (11)
  • October 2010 (2)
  • September 2010 (4)
  • July 2010 (3)
  • May 2010 (5)
  • April 2010 (3)
  • February 2010 (1)
  • January 2010 (1)
  • December 2009 (9)
  • November 2009 (8)
  • October 2009 (2)
  • August 2009 (3)
  • June 2009 (3)
  • May 2009 (4)
  • April 2009 (3)
  • March 2009 (5)
  • February 2009 (1)
  • January 2009 (5)
  • December 2008 (2)
  • November 2008 (3)
  • October 2008 (4)
  • September 2008 (5)
  • August 2008 (8)
  • July 2008 (2)
  • June 2008 (4)
  • May 2008 (3)
  • April 2008 (1)
  • March 2008 (5)
  • February 2008 (1)
  • January 2008 (3)
  • December 2007 (6)
  • November 2007 (8)
  • October 2007 (4)
  • August 2007 (4)
  • July 2007 (5)
  • June 2007 (8)
  • April 2007 (3)
  • January 2007 (3)
  • November 2006 (3)
  • September 2006 (2)
  • August 2006 (3)
  • July 2006 (6)
  • June 2006 (1)
  • May 2006 (9)
  • April 2006 (1)
  • March 2006 (3)
  • February 2006 (2)
  • January 2006 (2)
  • December 2005 (5)
  • November 2005 (10)
  • October 2005 (20)
  • September 2005 (2)
  • August 2005 (4)
  • July 2005 (1)
  • June 2005 (5)
  • May 2005 (2)

Categories

Blog Stats

  • 13,046 hits

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Privacy & Cookies: This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this website, you agree to their use.
To find out more, including how to control cookies, see here: Cookie Policy
  • Follow Following
    • solisrough
    • Join 54 other followers
    • Already have a WordPress.com account? Log in now.
    • solisrough
    • Customize
    • Follow Following
    • Sign up
    • Log in
    • Report this content
    • View site in Reader
    • Manage subscriptions
    • Collapse this bar
 

Loading Comments...
 

    %d bloggers like this: