I’m so glad… I took the time prior to the surgery to just spend some time with myself and nature. I was with friends, and so I wasn’t alone. But, what it provided was an opportunity for me to have a moment to reflect on the way I’ve been living with my eating and diet, and how that’s going to change.
I was outside of Nashville, Illinois and it was such a peaceful and serene setting. There was a beautiful lake and I let Priscilla and the Empress talk me into canoing into the middle of the lake. Normally not such a scary thing but I was doing my best to avoid anything that might result in a bruise or bump. I didn’t want anything to come between me and the surgery.
They were very clever though and convinced me to sit in the middle of the canoe and they would paddle at either end.
What I didn’t realize was that my butt would be on the cold metal bottom,
I’d be sitting cross-legged between two metal cross-bars. This resulted in a claustrophobic and penned-in position. My fear was that the canoe would roll and I’d be pinned. It only got worse when the confined position made my legs, feet and ass completely fall asleep! This made me go into a panic and a rocking of the canoe which left us all giggling and me begging to return to shore. It was fun however.
I did pass up horseback riding knowing that with my luck I’d be thrown. So while the others went riding it gave me the perfect opportunity to sit and watch the peaceful lake and beautiful woods.
I can’t really say how things will change. I’ve become so accustomed to eating such large portions I can’t fathom a person can eat such a small amount and not suffer from hunger. But, I’m trusting this process and the doctors and know that if they say it’s so, then it probably is.
Mostly, I enjoyed looking upon this occasion as my “last fat weekend”. So many times I’ve gone on retreats or camping and have felt left out because I didn’t feel comfortable doing the things that my friends were doing. Once, I actually wanted to go horseback riding but was told there was a 250 lb weight limit. It was embarrassing to have to sit on the sidelines while others enjoyed a period on the trails.
Unfortunately, there was nothing on the menu I could eat at this retreat. Quite literally everything was carbs with a side of carbs. LOL. Isn’t that poetic? My last weekend and unable to eat.
Priscilla to the rescue who arranged for some meat and cheese so that I wouldn’t starve. At one point we joked that if I didn’t eat something by the end of the weekend, I wouldn’t need the surgery.
All in all it was a wonderful time to reflect and laugh with friends. I got to spend the weekend with Empress and Dixie – two of my most favorite people in the world – along with Priscilla who was so sweet and treated me like royalty. I sure do love life – and the wonderful people who make up the bulk of it. It was nice to be home though. Monday was my pre-op appointment. My weight: 272lbs.
I look forward to seeing you all soon.