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Tag Archives: Hope

Getting through Client/Therapist Attachment Grief following a Misunderstanding or Miscommunication

19 Monday Mar 2018

Posted by Solis R. in Life & Living

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Client, Counseling, Detachment, Grief, Help, Hope, Miscommunication, Misunderstanding, Psychology, Recovery, Sponsees, Sponsorship, Therapy

 

These are most regretful. Primarily because our aim was to be helpful. If we feel we weren’t or worse, our attempts resulted in a negative effect rather than a positive one, it leaves me with a feeling of failure.

I don’t like to sit with that feeling and the result can be an intense desire to “fix” this. That feeling is not bad in itself. It merely is a reflection of my intense capacity to have compassion for others.

However, in a book I’m writing and in my research over the last ten years I’m discovering my own limitations on the concept of Enough and in this particular scenario when to let go.

Miscommunications happen as part of life. Misunderstandings are a result. As matters that are part of life’s course my ability to control, alter or all together avoid them is limited.

I struggle sometimes with the limitations of my ability to be helpful

I once had a person seeking my counsel who showed me a photo of his boyfriend and a cat (coming out issues, deciding whether to move in together), I smiled and asked “Oh, whose cat” wanting to know more about his interest in pets and how that might effect the decision to move in with one another. He immediately left in the middle of the conversation. I later learned through a tersely worded email that he misunderstood me to say “who’s that?” Which he took as an affront as we just had been talking about how important his new boyfriend was

Of course I felt terrible and terribly compelled to set it right but his last communication made it clear he didn’t want to see me any longer nor hear from me.

This was a difficult balance. The intense desire to correct the misunderstanding against the persons wishes to be left alone.

In a clinical/mentor relationship I think it’s inportant to remember who is driving. I’m in the passenger seat offering directions because they are welcome and asked for. At some point if the driver asks for me to stop – even if I fear we have just made a wrong turn (not the kind with life or death consequences) I should honor that and walk away, respect their wishes and allow them to seek healing through another path.

In short, being helpful when no one is asking for help or worse when they’ve made it clear for me to stop then there is the danger that I’m moving into the arena of no longer being helpful but rather controlling or trying to manipulate a scenario that I feel where I was not cast in the best light. We all like good lighting – that’s natural – but what’s best for the other person really should be my concern in these relationships.

In short, be kind to yourself and forgiving. Sometimes these situations can be avoided and sometimes they can’t. Sometimes trying to repair them created more harm and I would never want to do that. The response by others which is sometimes disproportionate tends to reveal a lot about them and my hope is that this experience is added ultimately in a positive way which may lead to the question “why is everyone an a-hole?” Creating the realization that there is only one common denominator in this persons relationship. So if that is the end result, please, think ill of me. In the end, I can still be helpful.

Good luck and best wishes to you from Austin Texas. You clearly are troubled by this difficult situation and I wish you peaceful resolution.


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How to: Becoming the Person who Maintains Decisions and Attains Goals.

15 Thursday Mar 2018

Posted by Solis R. in Life & Living, Self-Improvement, Uncategorized & Miscellaneous

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Achievement, Decisions, Family, Goals, Hope, Love

This requires more discipline than most of us have. Thankfully discipline by its very definition is teachable: Verb: train (someone) to obey rules or a code of behavior, using punishment to correct disobedience.

And, thankfully, you don’t have to worry too much about the ‘punish’ element of this definition as it’s inherent with not having discipline which is to say, you don’t keep to your decisions or keep your goals.

The key to developing discipline overtime is to set small goals and work towards those. See what it’s like overtime to set a goal, attain it and demonstrate to yourself it’s possible. So often with these types of goal settings and decisions, one or two failures or setbacks throws most people into a state of “what’s the use anyway”. I coach folks to not sabotage themselves with the “F”-its.

So that being said, set these small goals before reaching for bigger ones. Once you see that it’s possible, you know if you get deterred, it’s just a set back not a failure, you can pick yourself up and continue forward. Find someone you can be accountable to in order to keep them updated on your progress. Someone who’s not judgemental and can be encouraging! Maybe even someone with a similar goal that you can be accountable to each other.

Lastly once you reach the accomplishment you’re setting out for, remember to have gratitude for the process.

Rarely do I achieve things in my life without the assistance and support of others. That’s important because the moment I start believing I’m completely self-sufficient and self-reliant, I become self centered and the true joy in reaching accomplishments is sharing that experience with others so that they can feel like they can do it too! Most of the satisfaction for reaching the goal comes from the path to the goal.

Example, my husband and I set a goal to reach the financial security to purchase a home by a certain date. We met that date. We bought our first home (that was half a dozen houses ago). And, we still recall with laughter how “poor” we were during that time. The fun we had popping our own popcorn, each taking turns to pick the movie we’d watch at home rather than going to the theatre, and inviting our friends over for a spend-no-money night in. Folks ended up coming over every Friday because they knew we’d be watching a movie and they had no money either, but those nights of laughter and camaraderie turned out to be one of our funnest memories of being younger and working towards a goal.

I hope you develop the quality of integrity and accountability and above all the discipline it’s going to take to achieve anything worth achieving in life. All the best wishes from Austin Texas.

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Men Over 40. Or, over 50 for that matter.

04 Sunday May 2014

Posted by Solis R. in Health Related

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Tags

Aging, Healthcare, Hope, Maturity, Men, Physical

http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/18-things-gay-20-somethings-need-know-gay-40-somethings-jvinc/

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On the Eve of a Milestone

24 Tuesday Sep 2013

Posted by Solis R. in Family, Life & Living, Spirituality & Recovery

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Aging, Change, Family, Future, Hair, Hope, Love, Maturity, Strength, Symbol, Vision

So, I’ve been contemplating entering another decade on this earth and what that means. As time goes on it’s inevitable that one starts to think about mortality and looking at that hour glass and trying to visualize how much sand remains. Even though we are vibrant and live longer than we ever used to, at what point does the quality of living start to decline?

photo

I hear people beyond my age complain about aches and pains and immobility which prevent them from doing the things that they used to do. I see people who are haunted by regret for either not completing things that they wanted, or living up to expectations that they placed on themselves.

  • Also too there’s a class of folks who, looking at that hour glass with more sand in the bottom, than the top – have regrets for spending so much time and energy focused on what others thought of them or living in fear of judgment of others.

Much of my life, through necessity, and through conscious choice has been spent in service to others. It’s brought me tremendous joy. I’m far from a saint, and I’ve had my share of selfish fits – fits that would certainly would rival anyone’s I know – but dedicating myself to opportunities and commitments in my life has kept me positive, has reenergized my spirit, has affirmed my humanity and has many times kept me sane.

As I move into a new decade, with my eye peering that hour glass I wonder though, if it might be time to find a new kind of balance. What do “I” want out of life? Where will I go with my physical, emotional and spiritual health that remains?

The battle cry that is heard universally, once one reaches adulthood anyway, is that there isn’t enough time. Each day I can hear myself saying this as I run through the list of accomplishments for the last 24 hours, which inevitably leads to the list of matters that I didn’t attend to (usually a substantially longer list – because, well – there isn’t enough time). So, what would my life look like if I treated time like the precious commodity it is? What would I step up? What would I cut out? What would be rearranged in my list of life’s priorities?

 

Certainly Rob and my family remain at the top; those are not likely to move. But looking at other matters my commitments to service, friends, social functions, etc. What must stay, what can go?

Moving forward, I’m still not sure – but, there is a sense that some things could change. One at the top of the list is letting go of what others think. This is a character defect that has vastly improved over the last 20 years. But, there’s room for improvement still. At a recent spiritual panel discussion I attended I was heartened to hear some specific things in that forum. It was a panel made up of people over 60, some over 70 and there were about 5 or so on the panel. Men and women who had been friends for years, some for decades. I so appreciated their perspective.

One of the things they universally agreed upon when asked what was their favorite age. All of them said that their decade in their 50’s were there best years. Their physical vitality remained and they had established themselves already in their careers and relationships. They had a vision that began to shift about what life might look like in retirement (or what they wanted it to look like) and accordingly became invigorated by laying out plans for that. They began to care less about things like clothing labels, material accomplishment, appearances such as going grey in their hair, or gaining a new wrinkle in their skin. They saw life with a new clarity that can come only from spending a half of a century on earth. And, the new vision incorporated how to make use of that life-experience without being condescending. How to balance humility and God’s gifts with lessons that one can now help teach as well as continue to learn. They discovered in that period of their life, that they were happier than they’d ever been. Because there is a freedom which comes from letting go of such trivial matters of social standing, material acquisition, and seeking approval of others. I was energized by attending that workshop.

My own vision is in flux.

I don’t have a clear vision of what I’m heading towards. But, then again, when it comes to matters of God’s will, I rarely do. I more often get a vision of what it’s ‘not’. The things that used to be acceptable become less so, Behaviors which I had once approached with a cavalier attitude, take on new significance. So, if you notice a change in me – don’t be surprised. Nor alarmed.

It’s me – molting.

It starts this morning with a new head of hair. That sounds trivial doesn’t it? I don’t care if you think that. Ha.

I sat in the chair of my favorite hair salon last evening and I said we’re doing something different. “How different” Stacey asks. She can hardly contain her excitement in matters of hair-experimentation. Very different. “Let’s go blond”.

“Really?”

“Really”.

Why? Because I’ve always wondered how’d it be and why not today. Of the times it’s crossed my mind the immediate second thought was a dismissal. I branded it as a ridiculous notion. And, what would people say? They’d likely laugh. Maybe pay me a tongue in cheek compliment, or maybe shake their heads. Maybe they wouldn’t notice at all. Each of those reactions carries a consequence for the person consumed about what other people think. But, because I’m entering a decade of change, I’m going to let that go.

The hair is just a silly symbol. It’s an act for me, for myself to announce to the world, that I’m doing this for me. It’s just a small inconsequential thing that represents the larger steps I may take for myself. It may last only a week, it will likely be back to being dark in a month, but I’m doing it to mark this moment in my life. So, when I see a picture of myself, years from now I’ll recall how I felt at this moment in my life. How much possibility and hope lay ahead for me. Will I go to school? Will I embark on a career change? Will I learn to play a musical instrument? Will I write a book?

It all remains a question mark, but the possibility is there.

If God’s will for me is to be happy, joyous and free, I am that today. I enter the decade where all things are possible as long as I trust in the infinite and have faith that I’ll be OK if I cease relying on the finite.

Right now however, in this moment, I will smirk as I barrel down the Mopac in Austin Texas, top down on the truck, with my ridiculous golden fake locks of inconsequential symbol waving in the wind. How does it look? Wait. That’s right. In this instance, your opinion is not necessary. Thanks for having or not having one though.

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Watching Time Pass. Watching Years Pass. Watching Friends Pass.

10 Saturday Aug 2013

Posted by Solis R. in Family, Ganso, Life & Living, Spirituality & Recovery

≈ 1 Comment

Tags

Anger, Death, Friendship, Gay, God, Hope, Inspired, Longevity, Loss, Love, Marissa Tome, Marriage, Meditation, Partnership, Relationships, Resentments, Simple, Simplicity, Sing, Spirituality, Staying Together, Tom Delgado

I’ve been having lessons in acceptance throughout my life. Much of it, has been a struggle. Mostly because somewhere along the way I adopted a confused thought. (This is not uncommon. I have many confused thoughts).

  • Acceptance does not = Liking.

9400607147_2ec94f8343_o

Somewhere along the way, I confused acceptance with “liking” something.

There is war. There is poverty. Crime and harm done others. While I don’t like any of these, I accept that they are the reality. As sad as they make me. As cruel as they come across. Injustice perpetuated by others is not something any of use will ever like. And, by acceptance, I’m not resigned to inaction. I can become an advocate for any cause. No, acceptance merely equates to my acknowledgement that it exists. It’s true. Even if it’s horrible – or stupid.

It’s like I think that the my realization of the truth somehow equates to my condoning. This is a typical un-humble thought. I’m full of those. (This idea that somehow my endorsement of something is a requirement  before something becomes truth).

Simple = Good

I have been thinking on the topic of this late after the passing of my friend, self-proclaimed ding-a-ling and always-laughing Tom Delgado. Or, as I knew him.. simply.. Marissa-Endora-Carol-La Luna-Tome. (So named for the string of drag numbers and icons, no less memorable than Tom himself).

I don’t know if it was because we were the same age. Or, that I just saw him on my last trip to California – or that it happened so fast. One day he was with us. The next day he was not with us.

I’ve experienced death of those I love. You can’t have been on earth as long as I have and not have this as part of your experience. But, it never gets easier.

  • To the contrary – I suspect it will get much harder.

It’s an inverse equation. Although I’ve had a long enough time on earth to get used to the idea of death, it’s also because I’ve had these folks in my life for an extended period that it hurts that much harder.

photo

Of course, all this reminds me of the subject no one ever really wants to talk about. The idea that my own mortality is finite. That none of us really knows that if we go to bed this evening if we’ll wake to greet the morning. And for the last few evenings, those have been my thoughts as I drift off to sleep. What if this were the last time I moved the puppy Ganso because he’s hogging my pillow and snoring in my ear? What if this were the last time I’d reach over and grab Rob’s hand only to have him grunt, roll over and mention how hot the room is? Have I done all that I hoped to do by now? Are my affairs in order? What about that proverbial ‘bucket list’?

9048626424_dfff8ca933_b

No. Acceptance in this instance is that I will NEVER have my affairs in “order”. I will NEVER have completed all that I hoped to accomplish. I will never have an empty bucket list. These are as futile at this moment while I lay in bed typing as Ganso no longer keeping my pillow from me. Some things just are.

Tom showed me that rather striving to seek an enlightened approach, perhaps it was just as good to seek the simplest one – because often times they are one in the same. Many times in meditation and spiritual conversation we often wax on about big concepts, and complex notions. But the truth often is, simple is best.

It’s like a conversation I had with Ms. Delgado right after she was sprung from jail for hitting a pedestrian (to be fair, the pedestrian ‘refused’ to move, and Ms. Delgado warned her). It seemed to be the peak of Tom’s streak of rage. And, we talked openly how we hoped that this was the cherry on his anger cake and that he could find peace through God and letting go.

Tom devised his own approach to anger management. He decided that whenever he got angry, he would sing a song. Any song. (He knew lots, he was a music trivia and karaoke master!). But, he favored show tunes and anything Ethel Merman might sing. Because his simple thought was you cannot hang on to anger, AND sing a show tune at the same time. It just wasn’t possible. And prior to that conversation I hadn’t thought of that simple idea. Tom described it as ding-a-ling. I would say inspired.

So sing that song. Anger is anger. Injustice is injustice. Pain is pain. Accept it. Move on, or get into action to change it. But until it’s changed – it just ‘is’.

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Spending the 4th of July Weekend… At a Demonstration

02 Tuesday Jul 2013

Posted by Solis R. in Family, Life & Living, Rob Rough, Spirituality & Recovery

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

Commitment, Demonstration, Family, Gay, Hope, Longevity, Love, Marriage, North Carolina, Outer Banks, Partnership, Relationships, Staying Together

Hunting Crabs in the Sand, Duck, North Carolina, July 2012

Hunting Crabs in the Sand, Duck, North Carolina, July 2012

We find ourselves in North Carolina a week after the U.S. Supreme Court decision to dismantle DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act). While some of our friends have migrated to City Hall’s across either coast to either confirm their commitment or celelebrate in colorful parade, we are here enjoying a quiet (well, as quiet as it can be with two pre-teen nephews running amok) time with family in North Carolina. After spending a few days in California with the other side of the family. While we would have loved to drop things and run to the coasts to formalize and legalize a ceremony that was already held years ago, we don’t imagine there’s much reason to rush.

  • Family isn’t determined by a certificate. Family is created through love and dedication.

Those that we are enjoying this time with already consider us family in a manner that no additional adjudication from a court, church, civil act or even legislation could determine. I guess that is why I have not gotten as riled up as some of my contemporaries around the subject of marriage. I mean ‘gay’ marriage, although I suspect in another decade or so, that may become an unnecessary qualifying term. It’s because I fully expect in this lifetime I will see a simple civil ceremony (we already had the big-to-do-one) with Rob and I, perhaps with just family and close friends to confirm what we’ve already established long ago. That we love one another. That we plan to support one another through good times and bad. And, that we are a family unit.

Denouncing your family does nothing to lift my family up. And, is that really the values i’d like my family to establish?

So looking out on the beach and watching my husband Rob, stand and look out over the Atlantic with his brother Ted, while nephew brothers Ryley and Grady sit off a short distance looking for crabs and at the ocean – I see multi-generations of love. I am confounded why others, who have different political or religious, or inhuman beliefs are incapable of seeing the same thing I do on this lovely sunny sand-filled day. But on a day like today none of that matters I suppose. Life is simply too short for each day to be a battle. Today my e-mails are piling up (I see them out of the corner of my eye). My text messages are mostly going unanswered, there’s no TV on – only the distant sound of Aretha Franklin singing in the background next to my cold lemonade, sunblock, sun glasses and favorite magazine. My legs are drying because Ryley just splashed me in a tempt to rile me. I feigned being shocked by the welcome cold water.

  • These moments cannot be recaptured. There’s flight. There’s fight. There’s .. enjoy

So today, while groups argue about the state or non-state of matrimony – the nation mourns the tragic passing of 19 firefighters in Arizona, and friends ponder why I’m not marching somewhere this fourth of July weekend. I’m here, where I want to be, where it’s most important to be. Talking about family, and the hierarchy of life that I often espouse, isn’t just believing in a concept about the value of family. Like the oft cited phrase, “faith without works is dead” – having a value is meaningless without action. Which is to say, if we say family is important, it’s necessary to follow that up with demonstration. So – with that – I am at my own demonstration of sorts. Not a political one. Not one in the streets with rainbow flags and flashy revelers – but a practical one. Spending time with family is a demonstration of life, love, and commitment to family – in it’s most basic form.

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Giving Back – A Worthy Endeavor

31 Tuesday May 2005

Posted by Solis R. in Life & Living, Spirituality & Recovery

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Altruism, Giving Back, Hope, Life, Love, Others, Service, Volunteer


chrisjackson
Originally uploaded by ChristopherSolis.

http://clementis-operarius.com/

Giving…

back to the community you live in is more than a warm and fuzzy concept. It’s actually one of the ways we can actively participate in the improvement of where we live. How often do we complain of things the way they ‘are’ without offering any solution or even suggestion of how they can ‘be’?

The concept of Service to the community is not new. It’s not even unique. What it is however, is effective. I try and find different ways of being involved and feeling a part of and have found several organizations I regularly volunteer my time.

http://www.designateddrivers.net/

http://www.calyouth.org/

http://rcru.com/

The thing that’s great about doing this isn’t that I’m a shoe-in for sainthood. It’s not likely that I’ll win any community awards or recognition. I’m not even sure I’m making a karma-investment set to pay off at later date. But, what my experience is – is that it feels good.

I once complained to a friend about having low self-esteem. He replied, we gain self-esteem when we do esteemable things. That made sense to me. I spent much of my life taking without any regard that there has to be a balance of people who are willing to give in order for me to continue to receive. At some point, regardless of circumstances or conditions, each of us will be called to help where we can. I hope if and when the situation presents itself, you find yourself saying “yes”.

Christopher…

Christopher S.

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Living the California Life in Texas

Rob and I live with our puppies Ganso and Zorra here in Austin Texas. We've been together since 1989 and enjoy spending time with family and friends. We moved to Texas from California in 2007 and it has been amazing transition from Sacramento to Austin. I hope we have an opportunity to get to see you/know you soon. Take care and be well.

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  • In the Home Stretch
  • No More Poignant Reminder of Our Shared Humanity.
  • Getting through Client/Therapist Attachment Grief following a Misunderstanding or Miscommunication
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